LABELS -it's our perceptions of what happens to us.

Labels.
They are kind of a big deal. As a counselor for two decades you can image that I've heard it all. From traumatic events in people's lives, to terrible abuse and neglect. You also might imagine that it would be hard for me to not to compare one person's story to another. Take sexual abuse for example. Easily considered by most to be the most horrible thing that could happen -and I'd agree. Now some clients have told me really really bad experiences that I won't go into detail here. Others have told me relatively minor stories in comparison.

But you know what? How bad the abuse was is not the greatest factor in how they are today as a functional adult ...or not. What I've learned is that it's not what happens to us in life, it's our perceptions of what happens to us. How we perceive things like being abused determines the outcome.

Person "A" perceives being abused as something that happened, that they have thoughts and feelings about it but it doesn't define them or speak into who they are. Or they define themselves in the positive as a "Survivor."

Person "B" perceives being abused is something that happened in their past that means something about them now. It stuck to their identity. "Because I was picked to be sexually abuse means that I am ____"

This can label us like those "Hello My Name Is:" stickers that we wear. How we perceived it can become a judgement about ourselves; what we believe about ourselves. We then continue to act according to that belief about ourselves on an unconscious level. This belief about our identity controls us on a subconscious level. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy we find ourselves in the same situation over and over again throughout our timeline. It may not appear that obvious. Probably not being sexually abused as an adult, but perhaps their label says, "Pawn" or someone's play thing. So they allow themselves to be not treated with respect at work or by others. Or they feel they have to please others and not themselves.

What's the fix?  As always forgiveness and truth.  Forgiveness in three directions of God, others, and self.  Then replace the false believe about self with the truth.  But sometimes there is barrier or blockage to this process.  Sometimes we as humans need help to get past.  As a counselor this is my speciality.  If you are ready contact me and let's get you past your past!

It's not what happens to us in life, it's our perceptions of what happens to us.

"Everything Happens for a Reason" is Bad Personal Theology!

Please be careful using the 'things happen for a reason' line. People use it often to intellectually explain when bad things happen. This temporarily puts the feelings on pause, but in the long run can create confusion and bitterness. For example, when some is going through a divorce. Many of my clients are going through or have been through divorce. And many have said to me 'things happen for a reason' to either help them not feel the guilt of what they have done to end the marriage or to give themselves hope that God has someone better for them down the road. But the truth is that God hates divorce. He doesn't hate divorced people. The point is His will was that they stay married ...but not at all costs ...therefore divorce was given as an option. God's will is NOT done on earth (as it is in heaven) at this time, just look around. This is free will. Her's and his's. Not God's.

The reason I am harping on this is the mindset the 'things happen for a reason' line creates. Later people unconsciously see God as responsible for pain in our lives. He isn't, we are. The responsibility and fault is ours ...well our flesh, Beast Brain, the devil, and this sin sick fallen world.

But that is good news! If we are part of the problem we can be part of the solution to fix it! We can't do anything against an all powerful God. But we can learn and grow and make better choices and have better outcomes.

And also the idea of 'things happen for a reason' puts God as our enemy. No! He is on our side! He loves us so much.

When going through hard times, your Father is shedding tears of sadness for you. That's one reason why He warns us of the consequences of sin -cause it hurts us. Sin hurt His children that He loves. He isn't threatening us! Like He will get us if we defy Him. He isn't a dictator, He is our loving Father who hurts when we hurt. Now this God you can love back. Not out of duty but out of genuine love. The real GOd is One you can worship, praise, and submit too wholeheartedly! Which is healing for us.